L5 Spondylolysis. It’s not as bad as it sounds though. I can still walk, I’m just not allowed to do anything more physical than that for like a month, which is nice because I really wasn’t looking forward to playing outside (now that the sun finally came out here and the temperature isn’t 20-below) anyway.

I also can’t participate in my soccer and flag football classes, which put me in jeopardy of not graduating on time. No big deal.

Note: Next time you decide to jump off of a house, make sure you don’t land butt-first. I must’ve forgotten all my ECW training and now I’m paying for it.

So, what do I plan on doing with my non-active time? Eating, drinking, sleeping, watching TV and other stuff that really isn’t any of your business. You can send flowers and cards if you want, but what I’d really appreciate are nude photos of your girlfriend. Or, in the event that you are an actual girl and reading this at the same time (highly unlikely), go ahead and send nude photos of yourself. Or your mom.

My life as a cripple really won’t be a whole lot different than it was as an able-bodied man the last few months, but I am going to have to break the bad news to my blow-up-doll Chloe. She is going to be pissed. And extremely unfulfilled for a while.

Alright, I’m going to go lay down and watch TV now. I love being handicapped. I don’t know what Christopher Reeve (may he rest in peace) was bitching about all that time. He had it MADE.

p.s. - I wrote a piece for GorillaMask earlier this week. You can check it out if you want.