Ahh, the 1990’s – unquestionably my favorite decade of my existence on this planet. Even though it’s the only decade that I’ve lived through in its entirety, I can’t foresee any 10-year period eclipsing it in ass-kickery. Let’s recap: it began with the last Reds World Series title as well as the last winning season for my beloved Bengals, and ended with a true Yankee dynasty (4 rings in 5 years) and a UConn Husky basketball title.

As if my sports teams’ successes weren’t enough, the 90’s also saw superior TV programming such as Saved by the Bell, Boy Meets World, and Nickelodeon classics like Salute Your Shorts, Pete & Pete, and Hey Dude. Keith Olbermann and Dan Patrick were tag team partners on SportsCenter, and the REAL Dale Earnhardt was burning NASCAR rubber, leaving Dick Trickle in the dust.

Classic movies like Rookie of the Year and The Sandlot were released, the NBA was actually good (I’d pit the Original Dream Team against any concoction of hoopsters in history – Chris Mullin was amazing), the gender of the Hanson kids was a hot topic in the lunchroom, and I don’t care what you say, the WWF was NOT fake.

Video games were also at their prime. The only incarnation of Coach K College Basketball was the best hoops game ever created, Bo Jackson and Marcus Allen were virtually unstoppable in Tecmo Super Bowl, Scorpion was busy ripping the heart out of Raiden, and the secret to eternal life could be found in up-up-down-down-left-right-left-right-B-A-START

MTV actually played music videos, and pop/rock music was in its heyday. I’ll trade Better than Ezra, Spin Doctors, Gin Blossoms, and Hootie for 14-year old girls with makeup and breast implants any day of the week. The Simpsons’ writers had not given up yet, Seinfeld solidified itself as the best TV show ever, and the only things the Olsen twins were throwing up were temper tantrums.

In the 1990’s, life was good - we didn’t have waste-of-life celebrities failing at seven different careers at a time (*cough, cough, Britney) while force-feeding us the horse manure they call music, movies, and TV. At least when celebrities realized that they had nothing left to contribute to society they acted in our best interest and overdosed.

In conclusion, this New Year’s my resolution is to travel back in time, to a place where life was perfect and McDonald’s still had pizza. I’ve already ordered my time machine off the internet – all that’s missing are the crystals. Got room for one more if you’re headed to Aspen, because Life is a Highway and if you wannabe my lover, you gotta get with my friends.

Apparently, VH1 has aired an “I Love the 90’s” series. I haven’t seen it, but here’s the official site. See if you can beat my perfect score on the Trivial Pursuit Quiz.