January 19, 2005

Ode to Boobs (Happy Birthday, Dolly)

In honor of the 135th birthday of Ms. Sweater Puppets herself - the ever-infinite Dolly Parton – I thought I would list a few of my favorite sets of boobs. At least the first few that pop into my head anyway. All of the links are safe for work, mostly because my grandma just got a computer and I don’t want her to be disappointed in me.

1) Lindsay Lohan – the youngest set of boobs in the list (they’re almost one, or 18, depending on who you talk to). These babies almost made Mean Girls watchable after Tina Fey takes of her shirt. Okay I saw it twice, shut up.

2) Carmen Electra – very versatile boobs. She can use them to get marriage proposals from all different kinds of complete wastes of humanity, i.e. Rodman, Navarro. I think I proposed to her once but it involved a different kind of ceremony.

3) Dolly Parton – it’s her birthday, and I’m pretty sure she INVENTED breasts. I can remember being in first grade and playing some game that ended with you saying “… milk carton, Dolly Parton!” and sticking your knees inside your shirt. If you can remember the whole bit, send it my way.

4) Tiffani Thiessen – real boobs, attached to the lady who portrayed the single most beautiful, perfect woman to ever walk the face of the earth - Kelly Kapowski. Plus, I got her autograph. And her phone number.

5) Jennifer Ellison – British boobs. I actually just found her this week but she’s smoking hot. I bet her accent is equally as hot. I don’t know anything else about her so this description will end at the end of this sentence.

6) Chris Farley – I never said my favorite boobs had to be owned by a girl. This picture may actually not be safe for work. Man I miss this guy. I was more sad when I heard he died than Dale Earnhardt, ODB, and Ronald Regan combined. Although I guess that’s not really saying much.

There are just a few of my fav’s. I’m sure you have your own. Feel free to send them my way too. Unless they’re named Venus or Serena, you sick bastard.

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