This is one CRAZY sport. Before this quarter I had never heard of it, but being a Sport Industry major I need no less than five gym classes to graduate, so I figured – why not give team handball a try? And I must say - I’m glad I did.

If you’re like me and thought team handball was like a bigger version of racquetball with more people involved, I’ll give you a little rundown of what the sport is like… It’s kindof a mix between soccer and basketball, where players try to score goals with a soccer-like ball (only smaller) by dribbling (basketball-style) and passing it down the court and eventually throwing it into the opposing net. At 5-million miles an hour.

My class really didn’t play the “proper” version of the game, it was more of a “barnyard” version where no fouls were called whatsoever and the chances of losing an eye (or testicle) were roughly equivalent to J.J. Redick’s career free-throw percentage (94%). Especially if you are the goalie. I was the goalie.

An important rule of team handball is that no player except for the goalie is allowed inside a 6-meter area surrounding the goal. This means that on a fast break, an opposing player can have free reign on the goal, but most importantly - your un-padded crotch. Let me tell you that I feared for my future-children’s lives on many more than one occasion.

When another player takes a completely uncontested shot at you, you can honestly feel your nuts bracing themselves, hiding from the imminent disaster at hand. They know, like you and everyone else, that their porn career could be over in the blink of an eye. Luckily for me (and hot babes everywhere), mine are still in tact (for the most part).

Fortunately, fear is not a factor for me (unless you’re talking about eating 50-year old goat testicles or looking at Star Jones for more than three consecutive seconds) so I fit naturally into the role of the netminder. Soon, my prowess between the pipes gave way to my new class nickname: “The Wall.” Not to be confused with Calista Flockhart’s bustline.

Anyway, the whole point of this post is for me to brag about how my team just took home the coveted crown of “Class Champions.” That has such as prestigious ring to it, doesn’t it? Huh ladies? I’ll say it again: “CLASS CHAMPIONS.” I declared myself tournament MVP, as my “Julie the Cat-like” reflexes in goal led the way for an undefeated regular-season and tournament run only rivaled by the 1976 Indiana Hoosiers and the 1995 Deering Tornados (from Hang Time, DUH).

To learn more, check out some of these Team Handball Links:

Wikipedia’s Team Handball Page – “Men's field handball was played at the 1936 Summer Olympics in Berlin at the special request of Adolf Hitler.”

International Handball Federation Official Rules – 97 pages long. I’ll be testing you over it tomorrow.

Handball Court Diagram – so you can start drawing up plays like the “Oop-de-oop.”

USA Team Handball – I’m trying out for the national squad. Wish me luck.

Handball Highlight Videos – All kinds of handball highlights. If you can read whatever foreign language the website is in.