I watched Tommy Boy last night. It’s been a while since my last viewing, but this time I noticed something. It is, by FAR, the most-quoted movie in my pathetic, unoriginal life. The amount of one-liners that are now a part of at least five of my daily conversations is mind-blowing.

Is this because I am not creative enough to think of my own jokes? Probably, yes. Is it as funny when I say anything as it is when Chris Farley says anything? Most certainly not. Am I going to continue to quote it regardless? You better believe it. I feel I’m simply paying homage to one of the most genius cinematic masterpieces of all time, and if you don’t like it, you can giiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit out.

You know how in high-school Civics class where they told you that the Declaration of Independence is a “living document?” Well, that’s how I feel about the movies I like to quote. They stay alive because of their quotability. Sometimes, the movie itself is not even as good as it is fun to reference it in everyday life.

Some of the funniest parts of my day are when someone can regurgitate the perfect movie line at the perfect time in the perfect situation - sometimes the more obscure, the better. Which is why I decided to list the top three quoted movies in my life. Although I don’t even think "three" qualifies as a “list,” I’m too lazy/stupid to come up with any more than that right now.

1. Tommy Boy

Pick any line in there, and I guarantee I’ve said/heard it in the last week. I was going to list some of my favorites, but just go to this page where you can listen to them all. "I was checking the, uh, s... specs on the end line for the rotary girder. I'm retarded."

Farley Soundboard. Another one.

2. Billy Madison

“Who would steal 30 bag lunches?” “I’ll tell you who took those lunches, it was that damn Sasquatch!”

Soundboard.

3. Napoleon Dynamite

This is the new kid on the block, but already proving itself as infinitely quotable. “I see you're drinking 1%. Is that 'cause you think you're fat? 'Cause you're not. You could be drinking whole if you wanted to.”

GorillaMask has like infinity of ND Soundboards.

I just noticed something. All of these movies’ titles are a guy’s name. I’ve finally found the recipe for success in Hollywood: have the title of your movie be someone’s name. Scratch that, I just remembered Erin Brockovich. Screw her. Besides, we all know the recipe for success in Hollywood is big, fake breasts, nice lips and some fairly-comfortable kneepads.

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