Monday. The new feature has been added, as promised. It's part of my "Word of the Day." I came through for you so now it’s time for you to pay me back. With sexual favors. I’m open to anything, so suggest away.

Also, a there’s a new “Tool of the Week” for you to not care about. You can read it if you want but to be honest, it’s not good. Whatev.

The Bengals didn’t win today, screwing up my prediction. I’m not really good at this prognostication stuff I guess. This is why I never bet on sports. Only cockfights. “Little Jerry ran from here to Newman's in under thirty seconds!” “Is that good?” “I don’t know.”

More importantly, the Lego Ray Allen that I listed on my Christmas list officially goes up for auction on Saturday. Organize yourselves, get some cash together, and buy it for me. My buddy Ryan thinks that he’s going to win it (backed by his 100 billion-or-so daily visitors, compared to the three people that visit my site – including my mom and dog Reese), but he’s got no chance. The only thing he’s going to get out of this situation is my lego nutsack on his lego chin.

I bet he doesn’t have this personalized, autographed poster-photo of me with Ray Ray when I was in seventh grade like I do. I’m the one on the left, my buddy D’s is on the right, and that guy in the background is some jackass that ruined the picture. I heard that guy’s dead now so justice is served. I bet RP also doesn’t have a mason jar full of Jesus Shuttlesworth’s semen like I just bought on eBay. Awesome. I rule.

That’s enough for now. More tomorrow, if I don’t get too drunk or get really bad diarrhea. That would suck (the getting drunk part I mean).

Oh, and my Super Bowl pick: Bengals, 376-0.

p.s. – I had a goal and two assists at our intramural hockey game last night. Those three goals ended up being our only ones… we got run-ruled by some kids that actually, you know, had PLAYED hockey before. I also tried to take off my skate and try to stab somebody, I’m only the second guy ever to do that. Did I mention that it was floor hockey? Okay.

Also, if anyone knows where I can get John Tesh’s “NBA on NBC Theme” ringtone, let me know. I’m too lazy to look for it. It also probably doesn’t even exist.