I was going to start a car dealership near Washington, D.C., but after seeing the competition's advertising, I decided I’d be better off sticking to selling bootleg copies of Sega CD games. These guys have a monopoly on the ridiculous raps by local celebrities market.

Does anyone else feel awkward when they buy Prego spaghetti sauce? The name in itself is bad enough, suggesting that buyers have a thing for those-with-child. What’s worse, its motto/tagline or what-have-you is “Share what’s inside.” Taken in the wrong context (and I don’t know in what other context to take it), that is just sick. From now on I’m sticking to Paul Newman’s Own Special Sauce, there’s absolutely no possible gross meaning to be derived from that.

All of my friends and family will be receiving Esteban signature guitars for Christmas this year. You know, the guy that’s been on the shopping channel 24/7 for the past 3 weeks? Don’t let his Spanish-style name and guitar lickings fool you, he’s from Pittsburgh. That’s Pittsburgh Pennsylvania, not Pittsburgh Portugal, to clear that up. Phony.

CBS announced that Craig Ferguson (Mr. Wick from Drew Carey) will be taking over as permanent host for the Late Late Show, replacing Craig Kilborn. Apparently they didn’t think their audience could handle their host switching names, sticking with the Craig motif. They sure dropped the ball though, I hear Craig T. Nelson is available. Whiff.

The girl filling in for Craiggers tonight has a MASSIVE rack. Pretty hot for a redhead, too.

New Tool

Oprah, call me.