Over the past few weeks I’ve seen a couple of moving-picture shows at the local super/mega/Cineplex, and although enjoyable in-and-of themselves, sometimes I find the previews just as entertaining. I could give you my feelings on the feature films, but it’s been done already. Although I could probably give you a better review than Roger Ebert by sticking a couple thumbs in Uranus, I’ll hold off on that – for now.

What I’ll do now and anytime I see a new movie will be to give you a review of the previews I see. Now, don’t interpret these reviews as promoting or bashing the actual full-length film, I’m simply giving my thoughts on the preview in its own context.

My rating system will consist of three parts, each on a 10 point scale. The categories are as follows: 1) Entertainment Value (EV) – this is strictly the overall enjoyment derived from the preview. 2) Production Value (PV) – this is the quality of camera shots, cutscenes, and other things they put in previews that I can’t think of. 3) Does It Make Me Want To Watch The Full Length Film (DIMMWTWTFLF) pretty much self-explanatory here.

Let’s Begin

Meet the Fockers – The follow-up to the hilarious Meet the Parents preview seems to fall flat on its volleyball-spiked face. While Meet the Parents’ preview featured hilarious hi’jinks from cat-painting to altar-burning, the new preview just seems to rub audiences’ faces in the fact that Barbara Streisand and Dustin Hoffman are in the movie. The idea of meeting the Fockers is a good one, and the actual movie may be good, but this reporter was not impressed with the preview. At least it’s good to see Ben Stiller’s out working again after seemingly weeks without releasing a new movie. I was getting worried about him. EV-2, PV-2, DIMMWTWTFLF-3

Hide & Seek – Another DeNiro movie. This time he’s the dad of some FREAK little girl who has an “imaginary” friend that goes around killing people. I must say this is one of the scariest previews I’ve seen in a while. Little girls that are supposed to be sweet and cute who are actually horribly evil scare the bejeezes out of me. Also, Elizabeth Shue is in this movie, which is nice. EV-6, PV-6, DIMMWTWTFLF-0 (if I’m not in the mood for a scary movie) & 10 (if I am)

Star Wars Episode III - Revenge of the Something – This preview looks a lot like the ones from Episodes I & II that made geeks (myself included) foam at the mouth for a new Star Wars, only to have their orthodontic headgear mangled in a screaming fit because of the suckyness of the real movies. I’ll reserve judgment on this one until the next 500 trailers come out and I can order an official Darth Vader chalupa from Taco Bell. No sense in getting anyone’s hopes up when they most likely will get dashed. EV-3, PV-7, DIMMWTWTFLF-5 (even though I know that I’ll be at the midnight showing on release-day anyway)

And finally, the new Winnie the Pooh movie - something about a Heffalump I do believe. This preview instantly grabs its audience with the curiously-selected but wholeheartily-accepted background music – Two Princes by the Spin Doctors. If the movie is half as good as the soundtrack, the boys at Disney had better be preparing their Oscar speeches right now. I can’t figure out why they picked that song ten years after its prime for a movie intended for people not alive when it came out, but I like it. EV-9, PV-8, DIMMWTWTFLF-9 (but I probably still won’t see it because I’ll be too busy trying to hide my same-sex preference)