Tonight is my house’s second-annual Around-the-World Party. You should come. If you are a girl, you should dress provocatively and make out with me or something.

If you’ve never been to an Around-the-World party before, this is what they (at least ours) are like: each room in the house is a different country, with the very finest of each nation’s potent potables (that can be purchased in bulk from Sam’s Club in Parkersburg, West Virginia).

People are supposed to take a shot or have a drink in each “country” and upon completion, are inducted into the Circumnavigator’s Club (aka the extremely-wasted-vomiting-all-over-yourself club). Extra points are given for those super-Magellan-esque champions that can go around the world more than three times in one night. Extra points are also given to those individuals that can stay conscious past midnight.

In my room I’ll be hosting the festivities for the nation of “Superior Wangland,” population = me. We are a proud country with a rich tradition of giving females intense sexual gratification and giving males about 10 reasons (inches) to be insanely jealous. That is, if we don’t pass out before 10:00 p.m.

If last year’s party is any indication of how this year’s will go, I expect multiple casualties – that’s why this year’s party is BYOC (Bring Your Own Coffin). Seriously though, be sure to not drink yourself retarded because if I end up in bed with three guys, no pants, and a puke-filled pillowcase again this year I am just going to snap (only 1/3 of that has actually happened before, I’ll let you decide which).

Anyway, it should be a good time had by all, especially after the Ohio University Basketball Bobcats lay waste to the collar-popping infidels from Miami.

Reminder: Monday is Valentine’s Day. Get me something nice. Whoever can send me the best (sexiest) email/IM message this weekend will get to be my official 2005 Valentine. This prestigious honor has many fringe benefits, including getting to see me naked and getting to see me naked. Good luck, see you next week. If I'm still alive.

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