Monday. I’m servin’ up a new “Tool of the Week” and a new “Word of the Day” and also a new half-assed post. Come get some dinner.

- I saw Phantom of the Opera (the film) this weekend. They should have called it “Phantom of the Cleavage.” This film featured several pairs of blouse-popping, eye-distracting, tent-pitching teases, the best set belonging to a girl who was supposed to be like 13 years old or something. She’s of legal age in real-life, and this is what she looks like. Jennifer Ellison: sooooo hot, want to touch the heiny. Oooooh. Oh... yeah, and the music was good too.

- My intramural floor hockey team lost yet again. I haven’t won an intramural game in any sport in over two years. Good thing I don’t live vicariously through my intramural sports like most of the frat guys that I play against. I live vicariously through my videogames, DUH.

- Remember that video of the horrible weatherman that went to my college? Well, after I put up a link and sent it to GorillaMask, it’s BLOWN UP all over the internet. That video is everywhere. If the poor guy ends up killing himself I can’t help but feel partly responsible. I also can’t help but laugh. “These bad things just blow in…”

- For my Super Bowl pick, I think I’ll go against the grain and make a sleeper pick: Cincinnati Bengals to take home the crown. You heard it here first. And probably last, too. Shut up. If it’s BROWN, flush it DOWN! Who-DEY! 1988-89 bitches.

- Oprah, call me.