First off, tell #20 in the above picture that he's wearing the wrong jersey. Terrell Owens is #81. He totally botched the "cripple" costume. Unless he's doing an impression of Stephen Hawking. If that's the case, give him kudos.

I apologize for the lack of new content over the weekend, but I have a perfectly good explanation. It was sibs’ weekend here @ OU and lets just say I should have carded that cute blonde before I “gave her the business.” That girl was only 15 years old?! I thought she was 36! Needless to say, the undercover officer didn’t find my drunken ploys all that charming and I spent the next two days spending some quality time with my cellmate Stinky Pete.

That was a lie… but seriously, there was this one sib at the Magic: The Gathering tournament that I’m pretty sure was into me. She said I gave her an extra 34 hit points – which I hear is a good thing.

I started to feel bad about not updating but then I realized that the only people who visit this site regularly are my mom and five of the guys from my high school chess team. Alright, so my high school didn’t have a chess team, but you know for damn sure that if we did, I would have been the Gary Kasparov of GHS. Wow, I just made a professional chess reference. If I ever do that again, kill me. Kinda like how Bobby Fisher killed like 100 people at a time in that one movie. Frick. I couldn’t even last one sentence. Yeah, so that part about killing me? Scratch that.

Anyway, I’ve got a new Tool of the Week and a new Word of the Day and a new set of silicon breasts that I now use as stress relievers. For my penis.

Random Thoughts on the Super Bowl:

- The Bengals failed to pull it out yet again. I really thought this was going to be their year.

- Greenville, Ohio (the absolute best town in the history of municipalities) native Matt Light brings home his third Super Bowl ring. He's also probably bringing home more than a few buckets of KFC.

- T.O. just pulled the biggest fake-injury since… Curt Shilling. What a bunch of showboats. Just like Lance Armstrong – nobody likes a bragger.

- Adam Vinatieri’s 4^th quarter field goal was the difference in the game. Again. Actually the difference in the game was how Donovan McNabb forgot what team he was on THREE TIMES. I hear he’s been grounded by the Eagles’ team mom. The punishment? No chunky soup for a month.

- Pretty much an off-year for the commercials if you ask me. Pepsi’s sucked, Bud’s were pretty weak, and the one with the tank-top girl in the courtroom was just confusingly arousing. The ones with the monkeys weren’t too bad, but I guess the #1 award goes to the American Mutual ads w/ the random animals/spokesmen/music and one other one that I can’t think of right now. Also, I don’t think Napster realizes that people still know how to download music for free.

- The world (or maybe just me) missed out on seeing McCartney’s nipple.