First off, I have no business writing this because I had a few (854) too many drinks tonight and I’m seeing two (36-24-36) of everything - including computer monitors. And I think one of them is telling me to kill the Prime Minister of Malaysia. Relax! (It took me twenty minutes to type this paragraph because every single word had at least one typo, and five of the words I was trying to write don’t even exist in any modern language. Weak.)

- Highlight of my night that will be 200% unimpressive to 99.9% of my readers: drinking with newly-hired Ohio head football coach and former Nebraska frontman Frank Solich. He’s the closest thing OU’s got to a celebrity right now, present company excluded. Oh yeah, and the voice of Bart Simpson went here, but she’s a girl - and not an attractive one. Matt Lauer went here too, but he’s a big douche. Piper Perabo went here as well, but she’s hot. Wait... awesome. Anyway, I think I was about two Jagerbombs away from asking Coach Solich if I could go home with him. He probably would have let me, too.

- Random question actually posed one time by my buddy Andy: “Do you think when midgets go to keg parties, that they carry Dixie cups around with them?” The best part about that question is that he was DEAD serious. What a great freaking question. This continues to rack my brain and make me lose sleep at night. If any of you have actually seen a midget at a keg party, hit me up and let me know what it was like.

- Little… ahem… ‘Lil Wayne will be here @ OU performing on Saturday. I can get you a ticket for $15 if you want one, then I can stab you in the face for being a retarded money manager. Seriously though, you can come hang out w/ me this weekend and I WON’T charge you to hear me mumble incoherently, slurrrrr my speech and ride the coat-tails of one cool part in a Juvenile song that came out in 1999. The only fee for my company is just a small donation that I like to call a "boquete." We get the best musical acts here, I swear. After you back it up then stop. Then wha, wha, wha, drop it like it’s hot!

- The ACC is by far the most fun-to-watch college basketball conference. Duke-Wake was great. But not as great as OU-Buffalo. We are sweet.

- Alright, that’s enough posting for today. Check back tomorrow when I’ll probably waste more of your time w/ another incoherent string of drunken drivel and at least 45 references to my girl Kelly Kapowski and 15 new nude photos of myself. Sorry, Mom.

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