You may have read my earlier post entitled “I Want to Date a Plus-sized Model,” but I’ve been thinking about it and I’ve changed my mind. Even though, as my dad says when referring to fat chicks - “a piece in every crease” - the thought of me going to town on Ms. Shamoo makes me want to shove scissors in my eyes and let Schwarzenegger sledgehammer my penis back inside my body. Those are bad things, by the way.

The title for this post was going to be “I Want to Date a Bulimic Model,” but I realized that it would just be redundant. It also would have been pretty redundant if I called it “I want to date a bulimic chick from The O.C.” Sorry, Mischa … give me a call me and we’ll see if we can work something out. Actually that joke probably works for every teen drama ever made. Except for Busy Phillips’ character from Dawson’s Creek, she was a tank.

When you think about it, who WOULDN’T want to date a bulimic chick? There are so many up-sides to the idea that are almost impossible to deny. Firstly, you’d never have to worry about her having a weight problem. It’s highly unlikely that she’d wake you up if she’s moving around in bed – which is a good thing, unless your name is John Bobbitt.

I wouldn’t have to worry about her puking at the sight of my disgusting body, cause she already took care of that after dinner. Speaking of dinner, a bulimic chick is probably a cheap date. She doesn’t care whether it’s McDonald’s or Mendy’s, either way it’s coming back up.

You may break some of her bones when having sex, but at least you know which ones are broken because you’ll be able to see right through her skin. Which reminds me: I love it when girls’ ribs stick out farther than their bust-line as much as the next guy, but ribs actually visible through the skin? Sign me up.

A major high-point is that she’d be used to sticking things down her throat and should probably be talented in that area, if you catch my drift. The only downside is that there’s a good chance she won’t swallow…

Seriously though, I make a lot of jokes, but bulimia is certainly no laughing matter. Those girls are wasting quality food that could easily be used to feed starving kids in Cambodia. Jerks.

Honestly ladies, when will you learn that food is good for you and that most guys will actually like you for who you are as a person and not for the contents of your toilet? As long as “who you are as a person” doesn’t ever deny sex or talk during sporting events or get mad at them for forgetting anniversaries, birthdays, and other minute details… like your name.

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