^- See that picture? That’s me taking the bull by the horns. It’s a metaphor for how I like to get things done around here. That actually happened. Okay, so that’s not actually me. And I’m not even sure if that’s a bull. Or if those are really horns. Forget about it.

Today - January 26^th - is littered with a bevy of celebrity birthdays, so I thought instead of putting any thought into a real post, I’d give a tribute to the most notable ones.

Wayne Gretzky (1961) – “The Great One.” That’s pretty much all you need to know. It’s also all I’m going to write because I don’t really like hockey and there is no such thing as the NHL right now, so I’m not sure if any of his records even count anymore. But he was part of a really sweet cartoon on ABC when I was little with Michael Jordan, Bo Jackson and a few other superstars. I don’t feel like looking it up so get at me if you remember what it was called.

Eddie Van Halen (1955) – Dutch pianist and guitar aficionado. The guy could rip off FLAMING guitar solos, and most of the time you never even see them coming. They just surprise you out of nowhere and instantly light your eardrums (and anyone within earshot) on fire. They also almost all sound pretty much the same, although the “Right Now” solo is one of my personal fav’s.

Paul Newman (1925) – He is old, but I guarantee that he still bangs all kinds of chicks. If he can still get an erection, that is. I think the only one of his movies that I’ve seen is Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, which I think I enjoyed. Check that, I also saw The Sting, which is even better. I also hear he makes killer salad dressings and pasta sauces.

Bob Uecker (1935) – Baseball player, if you can call him that (he played catcher, kindof). With a career batting average of .200, it’s no wonder he’s more famous for his broadcasting skills and his role as “Doyle” in the Major League movies. He had a great sense of humor about his suckyness though, saying:

"I set records that will never be equaled. In fact, I hope 90% of them don't even get printed."

Here’s a list of a bunch of other memorable Bob Uecker quotes. One of my favorites:

"Baseball hasn't forgotten me. I go to a lot of Old-Timers games and I haven't lost a thing. I sit in the bullpen and let people throw things at me. Just like old times."

I think I just made it through an entire post without making a sexual reference AND a Saved by the Bell reference. That reminds me of the time in high school when I snuck in the girls’ locker room and caught Kelly and Jessie making out. That was the best day of my life, not to mention the quickest boner I’ve ever gotten.

That boner comment just reminded me that I made a reference to Paul Newman’s penis earlier, so that whole paragraph that I just wrote about not making a sexual reference was worthless. Sorry. I’m going to go listen to Good Charlotte and kill myself now. Bye bye.