January 12, 2005


In light of the recent catastrophic tsunami that soaked like 99% of Asia, my buddies Chris, Luke and I were doing the obvious: thinking of ways we could exploit others’ tragedy for our own betterment. We splashed several ideas around, ultimately coming up with the following… (Before you officially punch my ticket for hell, keep in mind that I’m only ½ serious, at most.)

Seeing as how the Lance Armstrong yellow “Livestrong” bracelets are all the rage now, we thought we’d tap into that market but add our own flair, hopefully setting a fashion trend to last for weeks, if not months.

Here’s the idea: In memory of those affected by the tsunami, we plan to sell our own “bracelets.” Now, these are not bracelets per se, but rather “swim floaties” (see picture above.) Printed on the floaties will be our catchphrase: “SWIMSTRONG,” for obvious reasons. I was going to build a prototype, but Wal-mart doesn’t sell floaties in January, go figure.

Each floatie can be had for as little as $5 a piece, and 0% of that will be sent to aid in the tsunami relief effort, but let’s not get hung up in details right now. Anyway, we believe these “Swimstong” “bracelets” would catch on like “wildfire,” ultimately making us billi-trilli-zillionaires at which point we may decide to pledge a certain amount of money to help out, but we’re not making any promises. Maybe we’ll pledge like $100 every time we have a conversation with an actual girl, who knows.

So… why not help a few poor college kids out (and possibly some starving kids in Mongolia) and get in on the newest, hippest fashion trend going? “Swimstrong.” Learn it, wear it, but don’t take our word for it. Ask THIS KID, THIS KID, THIS KID, and THIS GUY (although I think he may be a bit confused about the concept) how cool it is.

To get your Swimstrong bracelet, send your request and nude photos to heartlessbastards@makeusrich.com.

If you actually have a functioning heart with real compassion, go ahead and feel free to visit UNICEF and help out in the true tsunami relief effort.

Footnote: We originally intended to make a separate site for the “Swimstrong” effort, complete with advertisements, videos, infomercials and testimonials, but we lack the means, understanding, patience and video equipment to do so. Sorry.

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